


it was always her, wasn’t it?

by virtuevalois



Category: Olympics - Fandom, Scott Moir - Fandom, Tessa Virtue - Fandom, ice skating - Fandom, virtuemoir
Genre: F/M, basically what happened in scotland, post-sochi era, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 09:18:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14281785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virtuevalois/pseuds/virtuevalois
Summary: my version of the tea that (probably) went down on the 2015 scotland trip.





	it was always her, wasn’t it?

**Author's Note:**

> alright, so i know scott and klawes break up after scotland, but let me have this. thanks.
> 
> i might write a part two to this (maybe) about labor day 2016, and spill some tea (shout out to my margs)

  
_**It was always her, wasn’t it?** _

The entire trip had been like holding in one deep breath.

She could feel it suffocating her, and she knew that she couldn’t hold it in much longer. She thought she might explode or die from lack of oxygen.

There had been many times she had the misfortune of being stuck with the vomit-inducing love birds. Believe it or not, she had actually vomited on more than one occasion. They were the perfect couple, everyone loved them together. But still, she always got those questions, _“I can’t believe it’s not you.” “Is it weird, him dating someone else?” “Do you feel awkward around them?”_ She never had good answers for any of those questions. She would just smile and brush it off, in her polite Tessa way.

She was never around any of his other girlfriends, it was better that way, for all parties involved. With Kaitlyn though, it was different. She was in their crowd, in their group of olympian friends. There was really no avoiding it, especially on this godforsaken trip.

 

Things with Scott had been, weird, to say the least. Ever since Sochi. The thought made Tessa’s head ache, and her mouth crave the taste of alcohol. It was probably her brains first reaction when thoughts of Sochi webbed their way through the walls she’d put up trying to keep them out. After and during Sochi, all she did was drink. She let the alcohol shield her from what she knew was bound to break her heart.

She had felt it for some time, Scott slipping away from her. The first time she realized it, they were practicing a few weeks before the competition, and his bright and intentive brown eyes went blank. Right in the middle of their routine. He used to look at her like she put the stars in the sky, even during practice. It made her heart melt every time, she knew these were their characters, but god the way he looked at her... She shuddered. But that day, they shut off to her, he shut off to her. He stopped a few seconds later, made up a lame excuse and left. Left her standing in the middle of the rink by herself, dumbfounded.

He didn’t talk to her much after that, not for awhile anyway. Every once in awhile, he would peak through the walls he’d put up. And she could see him, her Scott, for a moment. She knew he was in there somewhere, but she didn’t know why he’d left her.

After Sochi, he was gone for good. He only talked to her when he had to, ignored her text messages for hours until he absolutely had to reply. That’s when Tessa took up excessive drinking. After a week or two of that, she picked herself up, and decided that she could live her life without Scott Moir. She didn’t need him, just like he obviously didn’t need her. So she traveled. Focused on school and decided to start living for her and no one else.

She saw him every once in awhile, at events and Stars on Ice. She was amazed at how easy she had found herself recovering after time spent with him. She told herself that twinkle in his eye meant nothing, he was with Kaitlyn, he loved Kaitlyn. She was very good at convincing herself she didn’t need him. And for awhile, it worked. Until Scotland.

 

  
-

 

  
He doesn’t remember when he decided he couldn’t do it anymore. It could have been that night, before Sochi. Standing in her kitchen, what she had said... He didn’t let the memory go farther than that. So really, he couldn’t pin-point the exact moment, he just knew it had to stop.

When he started dating Kaitlyn, everything changed for him. He could shut off the part of him that wanted and needed Tessa. He didn’t know how he did it, but he got really good at it after awhile. The only problem was, she was picking up on it, he could tell. She was just as closed off as he was, and it was killing their vibe. Every once in awhile, he would let unguarded Scott make eye contact with her. Just to keep them from losing what made them, them. But after Sochi, after letting her down, he had to turn it off completely. Every time he looked at her it was like he was being punched in the gut by a 300 pound man. He couldn’t do it anymore.

They went their separate ways for awhile, and he focused on his relationship with Kaitlyn. And it worked, for a year it worked. Even during Stars on Ice, somehow they had both managed to keep feelings out of it. And then came Scotland.

 

  
-

 

  
He forgot, he thinks, to turn it off. Before they met up with her that first day in Scotland. He must have forgotten how, because as soon as he saw her, her bright green eyes making contact with his, his whole body shuddered. Kaitlyn felt it, “Are you cold?” She asked. It was cold that day, he shook his head yes and smiled. He couldn’t remember how he had built the giant shield he put up around his thoughts about Tessa.

That first day was excruciating, he felt her all around him. His whole body was filling up with that old familiar feeling of her, of his Tess. She must have picked up on it, he thought, because she wouldn’t take her eyes off of him.

They were magnetic, everyone knew it, even Kaitlyn. Poor Kaitlyn, she had tried with all her might to ignore the fact that no matter where they were or what they were doing, Tessa and Scott would find each other. In a room, in the car, anywhere. Whether it was with their eyes or their bodies. Standing around a fire that night, he stood right next to her. And she cuddled up to him for warmth. Kaitlyn watched from across the fire, the look on both of their faces made her sick to her stomach. She knew those looks, she had nightmares about the way those two looked at each other. She really did like Tessa, but she was kidding herself if she tried to say it wasn’t better between her and Scott when she wasn’t around.

  
There was something about him, Tessa thought to herself, with her body pressed tightly to his around that warm Scotland fire, that had changed. He wasn’t Sochi Scott anymore. He was warm and inviting and the kind and gentle Scott that she had always known. This was the Scott that she _needed_ , the Scott she had missed so much it made her whole body ache.

The next day, after a long night of talking and catching up and touching. So much touching. He woke up, and suddenly remembered how to shut it off, and he did.

He remembered walking into the hotel room, Kaitlyn sitting down on the bed, lost in thought. “Out with Tessa?” She asked, but it wasn’t really a question because she already knew the answer. “We were just catching up.” He said, as innocently as he could. “Okay.” She said, and she got into bed and shut off the light. She was always like this when Tessa was around. He had let himself open to Tessa again, and he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to turn it off like before. But when he woke up that next morning, suddenly his brain remembered, and off it went.

 

The second day he was different, he didn’t sit by her at breakfast, and he ignored her most of the day. It was too good to be true, yesterday. She knew it was. But she let herself hope, let herself believe maybe he was back. Her heart ached again, that same way it ached after Sochi. She grabbed more than one drink that night, and snuck off into her hotel room, wanting nothing to do with anyone, at least not that night.

“Is everything okay?” Miku asked her a few nights in, it was obvious that something was up between her and Scott. You could cut the tension in any room they were in.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Why?” She asked, pretending she didn’t already know. “It’s so obvious, hunny. You and Mr. grumpy obviously have some issues you need to work out.” She said, her eyes traveling across the room to find Scott, sitting at a table alone with Kaitlyn. “We... No... We’re fine.” Tessa lied. Miku shook her head, “No you aren’t. Talk to him. Talk it out.”

Tessa took many hours to process what Miku had said, in fact, it took her an entire 24 hours. The next night, when the music played, and Miku started singing the words, her eyes instantly found his. There it was, that magnetic pull. The words filling the room and filling Tessa’s eyes with tears.

_“You must try to ignore that it means more than that....”_

They didn’t break eye contact.

_“It may seem to you that I’m acting confused...”_

Tears were falling down her cheeks now, she didn’t care.

_“But whatever the reason, you do it for me....”_

Scott’s pulse was racing.

_“It scares me to feel this way....”_

When the last line of the song rings through the room, Tessa breaks their eye contact. It was painful, it hurt, physically. After wiping away her tears, she gets up and walks out.

Without a second thought, he gets up and follows her. Kaitlyn yells for him to come back, he doesn’t listen.

“Tessa! Tess!” He’s running after her now, and it’s like a goddamn movie, he thinks, as he’s running outside the pub and into the Scottish rain to find her.

She stops, and turns around, just in time for him to come around the corner. “What the hell, Tess. Why did you run?” “Why did _you_ run?” She asks back. He rolls his eyes. There he is, she thinks.

“What’s up with you? Huh?” She asks, finally. After over a year.

“I don’t know what you mean.” And then she’s the one rolling her eyes.

“Yes you do.” He’s not really sure how to react, or what to say. “I... I don’t know.”

“That’s not an answer.” And now she’s annoyed, so she’s walking away again.

“Jesus christ, Tess, just let me talk to you.” He yells.

“So now you wanna talk?” She’s no longer sad, or nostalgic for past Tessa and Scott, now she’s mad. Remembering the last year and how horribly he had treated her after Sochi.

“What the hell happened to you, Scott?” His eyes went soft. “You disappeared. You abandoned us, left me to deal with the aftermath of Sochi on my own. Do you have any idea how hard that was on me? To deal with all of that, without you?” And she was yelling, and she never yelled at Scott.

He steps towards her but she backs away, “No, listen. I felt you close up, I felt you completely shut down. I don’t know why, but I assume it has to do with _her_.” She put emphasis on the word, her. “And I get that, because I understand that what we have, what we are, is hard to explain to someone else. But you can’t do that to me Scott, you can’t. We don’t work if we are closed off to each other.” She could see tears forming in Scott’s eyes. Now it was his turn.

 

  
The second he heard the words of the song Miku was singing, he knew. He knew he couldn’t pretend anymore. When his eyes met hers, it was over for him.

And now, with her standing in front of him, angry and sad, because of him. He broke.

“I feel like I can’t breathe when I’m with you.” He said, his voice breaking.

Tessa let out a small, almost unnoticeable gasp. “Scott...” She whispered.

He stopped her, “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” He whispered back, his jaw clenched.

“I don’t know when it started, maybe it’s always been there I just never noticed. I don’t know, I just know I can’t be around you when I’m... with... her. It’s... I...” He was stumbling now, didn’t know how to find the words he’d wanted to say for as long as he could remember. This time though, it was her moving towards him, and he didn’t back up.

She was only inches away from him, her eyes flickered up to his.

“This. This is why you’ve been avoiding me?” Her voice was soft and put together, only Tessa could control her voice at a moment like this. She almost seemed passive aggressive, and if he didn’t know her better he might be a little scared.

  
She was just staring at him now, he didn’t know if he should answer her or if it was rhetorical.

Before he had the chance, she continued, “I’ve been holding my breathe around you since I was 16 years old, Scott. My lungs are probably permanently damaged because of you.” She paused to let out a small and famous Tessa giggle.

“Do you remember when I was 16 and you were 18, and you told me that when we were older, when we were done competing, that we’d be together. You sat down on that bench with me in that freezing cold park in Canton and you planned out our future.” Her voice was no longer controlled, and he could hear the emotion in it.

“We had kids and dogs and a big house with farm animals. Remember you told me you’d work at the ice rink and we’d teach our kids to skate. We were 16 and 18 and you planned that,” She was giggling again, and he had a big smile on his face. “what kind of 18 year old plans out their future like that.” They’re both laughing now.

“I loved you so much back then, Scott. You were _my_ Scotty, I saw the whole entire world in your eyes.” The laughing stopped, and his heart physically hurt.

“Do you remember 2 years ago, before I started seeing Kaitlyn...” He pauses, and she’s scared that she knows what he’s about to bring up.

“Scott...”

“We were standing in your house, I had just beat the shit out of that guy that wouldn’t stop hitting on you at the pub...” The memories flashing through both of their minds like an old Viewmaster camera, “do you remember what you said to me that night?”

She knew it wasn’t a rhetorical question but she really didn’t want to answer it.

They stood there for a few seconds before he answered, “I do. You looked me in my eyes and told me that you were, and I quote, pretty sure I was the love of your life.” There were tears in her eyes now, she remembered all too well saying that to him that night.

“ _Please_.... Scott.” She also remembered how he reacted to that.

“I’m sorry.” He said. Moving even closer, cupping her face with his hands like it’s second nature. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you how I really felt. I was so confused, I knew I loved you but we were always told to ignore that. Remember what Marina would say?” And he started quoting her in a horrible Russian accent “You are telling stories, you do not have real feelings of love.”

Tessa smiled a little at that.

“We were told that any of those feelings were just because of the show we put on for people, the characters we were playing. Those weren’t always characters, T. That was us.”

 

Tessa closed her eyes, and allowed the memories of that 2 years ago night to wash over her.

_They were standing in her kitchen, he had bloody knuckles from knocking out the man in the pub who touched Tessa after she had politely, (too politely, Scott would add) asked him not to. She had grabbed ice and a towel and had wrapped his fingers up. She was holding them in her hand, making sure he was okay. The feelings were overwhelming in that moment, especially with the alcohol flowing through her bloodstream. He was looking down at her, his eyes were dark, and yet warm and inviting all at once. “Scott?” She said, he smiled, “I’m pretty sure you’re the love of my life.”_

 

She snapped back into the present. “I hated you after that, you ignored me for an entire week. And then you started dating Kaitlyn. You never even acknowledged what I said.”

“I know. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. You’re my best friend, Tessa. You always have been and you always will be. I think... I was just scared... I’m still scared.”

“Scared of what?” She dared to ask.

“Losing you. What if we fucked it up? What if something went wrong?”

Tessa knows the fear, she thinks about it every day. Sure, it would be great to finally give in to years of temptation, but would the reward be worth the risk?

He looked down at her, green eyes filled with tears that were ready to fall at any moment. “Do you ever wonder if it would be worth it?” She asked, her voice low, almost unrecognizable.

He did. All the time. “Of course I do.” He said back, one small tear had fallen from her beautiful eye and he wiped it away softly with his thumb.

She had this way about her, where one minute, she could be showing every single human emotion at once, and the next, she could shut it off. This was one of those moments. Without warning, her eyes went dark with a simple blink.

“So, are you planning to do anything about it, or did you just want to get it off your chest?”

And without thinking, definitely without thinking, he pulls her in. Their lips touching, softly at first, and they both swear they’re dreaming.

And then, it’s not so slow, and she can feel every single sensation in her body going haywire. His tongue slips in, and she reacts exactly the way he wants her to. Her hand is in his hair, it’s not as long as she likes it, but she pulls just slightly anyway.

His hands left her face, and now they’re all over her body. Places he’s touched before, but never like this.

And just when she swears she can’t stand on her own anymore, she remembers where they are, and pulls away, (reluctantly).

“Scott....” Her eyes are dark and feverish and he wants so badly to kiss her again.

He remembers too, where they are.

“I have waited so long for that moment, Tess.” He says, his voice is low and hoarse and she’s not sure why but she loves it.

“Me too...” She softly whispers back.

He instinctively leans in, wanting more, but she pushes him back with her hand.

“I’m not done, Scott.” For a second he’s confused, but then he understands, because he isn’t either.

“I want more. I want more competition, I miss it and I miss skating and I miss doing it all with you. I’m not done.”

“Me either, I don’t feel ready to be done. I don’t want to be done. I want to do it all again, with you.”

She smiles, but as the realization of what these means sets in, her smile fades.

“We can’t. Not until we’re done, done.”

And he’s shaking his head in agreement.

“I love you so much, T.” He says, as he plants a kiss on her forehead, the feeling making Tessa’s whole body shiver. “I love you, too.”

“There’s a conversation I have to have, if you’ll excuse me.” And she knows exactly what he means, so she lets him go.

 

  
-

 

  
“What the hell, Scott?!” And here he is again, getting yelled at for the second time that night.

“I need to talk to you, like, now.” He says, and he pulls her into a room in the back.

He realized that it probably was the worst time in the world to be having this conversation, but he knew that he had to do it. And she knew it was coming, he could tell.

“You’re in love with her.” She says, the second they’re alone.

He doesn’t say anything.

“I never stood a chance did I? You know, everyone warned me. Told me I was dumb for thinking that I could actually be with Scott Moir. Even Chiddy, fucking Chiddy! Did you know he pulled me aside when we first started seeing each other?”

She paused long enough for Scott to answer, but he didn’t.

“He told me that he wasn’t sure if there was something between you and her,” her voice breaks when she says her. “and I said that I knew what I was doing and that I trusted you. But that was stupid of me wasn’t it?” She was laughing, but not the good kind of laughing, the kind that scared the shit out of Scott.

“I’m so stupid! I remember the night, well, the first night, you called me Tessa. I told myself over and over again that it was just an accident, and all the times after that I told myself the same damn thing.”

“Kaitlyn...”

“I’m not done.” She pauses for dramatic effect. “When did you know?”

He doesn’t know how to answer that question without getting a hand to his face.

Her eyes widened, “It was always her, wasn’t it?”

He doesn’t know if he should nod yes or not.

“No one else ever stood a chance with you, not with Tessa Virtue around.”

“I’m sorry...” And he means it, he really does. “I tried so hard to ignore it, to pretend it wasn’t there. But I’ve loved her since the day I met her, I think deep down I’ve always known.”

Kaitlyn is pretty much done with the conversation, so she’s turning around to leave, and he stops her.

“I did love you, you know. I really did. It was just...”

“Not like _her_.”

“Not like her.”

“Well, I wish you two a life of happiness.” and with that she’s out the door. He imagines she’ll catch the next flight out, and he feels as bad as one person can really feel.

 

  
-

 

  
“You okay?” He hears a familiar voice say, a small and delicate hand lands on his shoulder.

They were standing by the edge of the water, getting ready to leave Scotland.

“I’m okay. Are you okay?” He asks, his hand finding hers and squeezing slightly.

“I’m okay too.”

“So, 2018?” He says, smiling down at her.

“2018. I think that’s our year, Moir.” She giggles.

“I think so too, Virtch.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! tell your friends about it.


End file.
